Old Country Church

He's Working on My Heart

The last few days, I have been making more of an effort to spend special time with God each day. I've been reading my Bible and praying for special needs of others that are on my heart. It has made a huge difference in my heart already. I've noticed my mind is on things from His Word a lot more often now, and my focus has been less on myself and more on others. I still have a long way to go, and I am by no means bragging. Just like God does, I know what lies in my heart, and even though I do things that others deem as "good" or "sweet," I know the work that still needs to be done in my heart.

One thing I would love to do is be less what the "world" identifies as pretty or acceptable. One example is, I get my hair highlighted and I tan in a tanning booth because it makes me feel good about myself (which is vanity) and because subconsciously I know that these things make me more attractive in the eyes of the world, and therefore, more accepted. But why do I need to be accepted by the world? And why have I been measuring my self-worth based on the standards of the world? The only thing that truly matters is where I stand in God's eyes. He created me with naturally fair skin and light brown hair; yet, I've been paying money to change those things. Maybe if I allowed myself to stay natural to how God intended me to be, I would focus less on outwardly appealing to the world, and focus more on my heart and my relationship with God. The fleshly, "worldly" me fears I would not feel very attractive if I stopped tanning and dyed my hair back to my original color, but the spiritual me says I will be more beautiful in God's eyes that way. I feel it is something I need to do for my personal walk with God. I'm not saying it's wrong to highlight your hair or work on your tan, but for me, I know what parts of my heart need changing, and letting go of selfish vanities is one of them.

It is an exciting thing to take small steps towards God and to feel him taking huge strides towards you in return. Having a real relationship with God is life-changing! Conversing with Him, reading his Word, and thinking on Him allows us to truly feel his presence in our lives. We need this to remember that He is a true, living God, and he wants to be an active part of our lives. When God is silent in our lives, and we think we have everything in control ourselves, that is when we are in the greatest danger of losing it all. I would rather have God than anything else at all.

Missing Emily...

Ugh...I miss my sister. I got to spend almost two full weeks with her, and she left about 15 minutes ago to head back to New York. It just doesn't feel right to be separated. I wish she and Charlie could just live around us somewhere in Arkansas so I could see them more often. I'll miss getting each other up in the morning and staying in our pj's all morning, even wearing them out to run errands. Binging on Pop-tarts, playing with Simon together, talking about sister stuff, laughing and imitating each other, floating lazily in the pool, going shopping together... I just had the best two weeks of my Summer, and I thank the Lord I have such an amazing family. I pray He takes care of Emily on her trip home and that soon we'll get to be together again.

I hate to be such a downer, I'm just sad right now.

Kansas City

We recently had our 3rd annual trip to Kansas City, and it made for an awesome weekend! We got to see the Royals play the Rangers (which has been Leslie's favorite baseball team most of his life). The weather was the best we've had so far, and we got to see each team win a game. Certain traditions stayed alive, such as eating breakfast at Cracker Barrel Sunday morning.

Here are a few pics from our trip:

Excitement & Blessings

Today I feel very blessed and excited! So many things to be excited about and to look forward to.

I'm starting a fiction series that will be published in Peekaboo...WHAT!! That is something I've always dreamed of but seriously never believed it would actually happen. It's basically a quirky babysitter's diary and stories about the crazy kids she watches. At the end of each story will be a babysitter's tip. Thank you Lord, for these blessings you keep placing in my life.

That is the most exciting thing going on right now in my life, but I've also been finding myself dreaming about things of the future. Or at least things that have always been something of the future, but are getting closer and closer to being reality. Like being a home-owner and going house hunting with Leslie. I'm also quite shocked at how often I think about being a mom. I never knew how it would feel to transition into the whole "being ready" for kids thing, but I can feel it happening to me. And it's neat. I already have two girls names picked out! I have one boy name that Leslie and I both like, but don't know if it's finalized or not.

I tried on my wedding dress last night, and was ecstatic that it still fit exactly like it did 3 years ago! I don't know how Leslie and I will celebrate our anniversary next month, but I'm looking forward to it.

Kansas City trip in one week! I'll keep ya posted. ;-)

First Blog!

So it just hit me a few hours ago...while on hiatus from MDO, what better way to spend my Summer than to start a blog! I used to xanga, but apparently that is so 2001...

I feel like I got a new lease on life today! Let me start at the beginning. A while back, and for various reasons, I decided to get my thyroid tested. According to my brother-in-law, who is a doctor-in-training, I display symptoms of hyperthyroidism. Although I put it off as long as I could, hoping my inability to gain weight no matter how much fat I eat would ultimately be explained by a super-fast metabolism, I finally went in and had a blood test done. Yes, they drew blood, and no, I did not faint, but yes, I was uncomfortable and wanted it to be over with as quickly as possible!

Diagnosis: Normal thyroid. (I celebrated by eating a honey bun right before bed, praying my fast metabolism wouldn't stop working overnight!)

Today I had to go back to the doctor for an echocardiogram. I have a heart murmur that my doctor could hear when he listened to my heart, so he wanted me to make sure I didn't have any structural deformities on my heart. I reluctantly put this appointment off as long as I could simply because I hate doctor visits, and of course, being shirtless in a public place. Well, today was the day...I put on the open-front gown and allowed an older nurse named Dorothy to probe, prod, and press (quite hard) on my left chest area. Ow. I asked if a mammogram was more painful. She said yes. I'm not looking forward to that. After 45 minutes or so of this, I am told to come back another day... the thing they use to get the image is not working correctly. I get a call about an hour later and go back because they found one that works. 10 minutes later, I get the news...

Diagnosis: No structural deformities on my heart. I have a murmur, but it is not life-threatening. I celebrated by popping open a can of Sam's Choice Cola and eating popcorn and tootsie roll pops.

Now that I've gotten a healthy report on my thyroid and heart, I feel like I got a new lease on life! I just want to live. Enjoy life. Be thankful more to God for all he's blessed me with. I don't deserve good health or any of the other blessings I have, but He gave them to me. God is so good, and I'm so thankful.

Thanks for reading my first post. :-)