My husband and I, after almost six years of battling infertility, got a phone call yesterday from the fertility clinic with the results of our first round of IUI (intrauterine insemination). We were giddy and hopeful at what the results might be. I had even taken a photo of the sunrise that morning with the plan to post it the day I announced our good news of an achieved pregnancy. I had allowed myself to imagine hearing the words, "You are pregnant" for the first time in my life.
But instead, I heard the voice on the other end of the line say, "The results are negative." And the storm clouds rolled in right on cue, bringing along self-pity, hopelessness, and just plain sorrow.
So here I sit, cheeks tear-stung, with the intention (and determination) of telling you that even in the midst of this storm, I still see the beauty in it. Not because I'm anything special or more spiritually mature, but because I can't deny the beauty I've seen transpire over the past few years. I refuse to not see it.
Please, even in the midst of your own struggle, try not to roll your eyes, close off your heart, or write me off. I know what it's like to read a verse of encouragement quickly, not truly believing those words apply to me. I know what it's like to feel crappy and want to make a home of it, complete with tacos, a heavy blanket, and no social contact whatsoever.
Some of the best advice I've ever heard is that God is big enough to handle our emotions. Whether we're angry, hurt, or confused by our circumstances, we are allowed to cry out to him and beat our hands on his chest. I believe allowing ourselves to feel pain is healthy and keeps us from putting up so many emotional walls that we go numb. The problems arise when we give ourselves permission to camp out in the negative emotions and to stay in a place of darkness, never opening our eyes to see God's potential plan or purpose.
Being able to see the beauty within a storm is understanding God's presence in the midst of it. For me, I've grown deeper in my relationship with God over the past few years because I've needed him more. I've experienced more intimate conversations with him, spent more time in His Word, and felt his comforting arms wrapping around me when I've needed it the most. I can also see God using this season of infertility to work in my marriage. It's no coincidence that my husband and I are closer than we've ever been because of this heartache we are walking through together. Unified in our desire to be parents, we take turns being strong for each other during the hard times. And in moments when we're both down, God always shows up, surrounding us with friends and family to love on us, check in on us, and care for us.
Choosing to see the beauty in your storm also means considering how you'll have changed by the time the winds die down and the sun reappears. I'm always fascinated by the weathered, tattered, calloused hands of an older man, roughened and scarred from the labor of a hard but productive life. Those hands tell an interesting story, one worthy of admiration and respect. Those hands tell the story of a man who didn't give up.
While I'm not saying I want calloused hands when I get older, I am saying I want to leave a legacy of someone who never gave up. I want to walk through trials remembering that I'm someone who has been promised a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). I'm never alone because I am His. (Joshua 1:9; Deuteronomy 31:6)
No beautiful statue is created without some chiseling. The more intense the chiseling, the more intricate and admirable the result. Could it be that the more time God spends chiseling us, the bigger plans He has for us? Could it be that He loves you so much He's giving you a story worth telling some day?
I encourage you to look around and see the beauty surrounding you. How can you walk away from this storm stronger? What are you learning about yourself? About God?
Let's pretend we're seamen and resolve to sail our ships with strong, weathered hearts, doused in truth from God's word, strong eyes focused ahead on Him. When the waves crash over us, let's cling to our Solid Rock of Salvation and relentlessly trust Him.
"...But we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."
Romans 5:3-5
{Published on bravegirlcommunity.com}
