8.28.2009

He's Working on My Heart

The last few days, I have been making more of an effort to spend special time with God each day. I've been reading my Bible and praying for special needs of others that are on my heart. It has made a huge difference in my heart already. I've noticed my mind is on things from His Word a lot more often now, and my focus has been less on myself and more on others. I still have a long way to go, and I am by no means bragging. Just like God does, I know what lies in my heart, and even though I do things that others deem as "good" or "sweet," I know the work that still needs to be done in my heart.

One thing I would love to do is be less what the "world" identifies as pretty or acceptable. One example is, I get my hair highlighted and I tan in a tanning booth because it makes me feel good about myself (which is vanity) and because subconsciously I know that these things make me more attractive in the eyes of the world, and therefore, more accepted. But why do I need to be accepted by the world? And why have I been measuring my self-worth based on the standards of the world? The only thing that truly matters is where I stand in God's eyes. He created me with naturally fair skin and light brown hair; yet, I've been paying money to change those things. Maybe if I allowed myself to stay natural to how God intended me to be, I would focus less on outwardly appealing to the world, and focus more on my heart and my relationship with God. The fleshly, "worldly" me fears I would not feel very attractive if I stopped tanning and dyed my hair back to my original color, but the spiritual me says I will be more beautiful in God's eyes that way. I feel it is something I need to do for my personal walk with God. I'm not saying it's wrong to highlight your hair or work on your tan, but for me, I know what parts of my heart need changing, and letting go of selfish vanities is one of them.

It is an exciting thing to take small steps towards God and to feel him taking huge strides towards you in return. Having a real relationship with God is life-changing! Conversing with Him, reading his Word, and thinking on Him allows us to truly feel his presence in our lives. We need this to remember that He is a true, living God, and he wants to be an active part of our lives. When God is silent in our lives, and we think we have everything in control ourselves, that is when we are in the greatest danger of losing it all. I would rather have God than anything else at all.

8.17.2009

Missing Emily...

Ugh...I miss my sister. I got to spend almost two full weeks with her, and she left about 15 minutes ago to head back to New York. It just doesn't feel right to be separated. I wish she and Charlie could just live around us somewhere in Arkansas so I could see them more often. I'll miss getting each other up in the morning and staying in our pj's all morning, even wearing them out to run errands. Binging on Pop-tarts, playing with Simon together, talking about sister stuff, laughing and imitating each other, floating lazily in the pool, going shopping together... I just had the best two weeks of my Summer, and I thank the Lord I have such an amazing family. I pray He takes care of Emily on her trip home and that soon we'll get to be together again.

I hate to be such a downer, I'm just sad right now.