>> eight years

Thank you, God, for being the glue that held us together when we didn't have it in us.

Thank you for the painful glimpses we had of our lives without each other, the hollowness we felt, and for the beautiful restoration that came from the storm.

Thank you that the bond between a husband and wife is sacred and meant to be unbreakable--a picture of your everlasting love for us--full of mercy and grace.

Thank you for the man you've placed alongside me with which to worship and to hold my hand as we walk closer towards you.

And thank you, God, for promising us a brighter tomorrow when today already holds more good than we could ever ask or imagine.

>> on being a mentor

Sometimes God pulls on our hearts about something for a long time before we ever realize it's Him. For me, that tug I've been feeling and ignoring for years has been towards preteen girls. I vividly remember that time as being the hardest, most excruciatingly awkward years of my life. So much of who I am today was molded during those years.

I was a nerd, by all social application of the word: quiet, poor, awkwardly shy, insecure and quirky-looking. Those were all labels given to me by my peers, and those labels stuck in my heart with proverbial industrial strength adhesive. To this day, that 12-year-old girl reemerges in times of insecurity or failure, and I immediately see myself through the eyes of my 5th grade classmates and go back into my shell of adolescent awkwardness.

I sometimes wonder what would have been different for me had my heart truly been entrenched in God's truth -- if I had known how to see myself through His adoring eyes instead of the eyes of my peers.

My heart has empathized with the growing pains faced by preteen girls ever since I matured enough to realize my experience at that age did not have to be so painful. I believe God allowed me to experience what I did to give me a heart and understanding for girls at that stage of life now. And he recently spoke through my sister Emily to remind me there is something tangible in all this that I can do for Him. 

A few weeks ago, Emily and I assisted with VBS and got to know a few preteen girls in our church a little better. As we were leaving the last day, she told me she thought it would be fun to get together with a few of those girls and do something fun with them. She recalled how much it would've meant to us at that age to have a woman show interest in pouring into our lives. That's the moment when it all clicked for me and I told Emily how her idea was perfect because girls of that age had been on my heart for a long time.

So, yesterday I think I officially became a mentor! Emily and I had the best day with these girls, ages 10, 12, and 12. We met up at the promenade and did some shopping, ate some pretzels and frozen yogurt, and had some solid girl talk.

I went into this day thinking it would be us pouring into their lives, but it didn't take me long to realize it was actually a dual favor. I had no clue I would have so much fun just listening to them talk, laugh and get excited about things such as chevron backpacks and s'mores friendship necklaces.

Emily and I used every opportunity we could to speak words of life to these girls and let them know it's not about sitting at the popular table, it's not about boys and it's not about makeup. Whether or not those words will stick with them has yet to be seen. I just pray they always see themselves through the eyes of their Father in Heaven. I pray they will be shining lights to everyone around them.

Before we ended our time together, Emily and I gave the girls notebooks to use as prayer journals. We wrote encouraging notes and verses in the front of them, and prayed with the girls about their upcoming school year.

It only took one outing, and I'm crazy about these girls. I love their personalities and enthusiasm. I could see on their faces that they were having fun and that they felt special.

So, I guess this is mentorship. I'm in like flynn.

>> my heart's song

>> home tour: entryway

Since I'm off work this summer, I've made it my mission to focus on getting our home organized and decorated (on a budget). We have lived here for over 4 years and it is still "a work in progress." But things are finally coming together, so I've decided to share each room or area one at a time as we get them completed.

Today I'm sharing my entryway, which is home to my $15 dresser that I blogged about redoing all the way back in 2010.

The main thing that kept this area from being done for the longest time was my struggle to find the right thing to hang over the dresser. For way too long, I had a $5 thrifted mirror hanging that was way too small for the space. I finally found the perfect mirror at a flea market a few weeks ago. It was priced right and gave me the chance to put my own touch on it.

Everything else in the space was bought over time at different places. I'm happy with how it all came together. Now the only thing left to improve this area is to repaint the baseboards and replace the front door. It's all on the long, ever-growing "honey-do" list.

>> coat rack, mirror, dresser and greeneries: flea market finds

>> lamp: Gordman's

>> picture frame: Tuesday Morning

>> rug: TJ Maxx

>> diagnosis: endometriosis

To just dive right in, I'll start by saying my husband and I have been trying for a baby for almost four years. I am a firm believer that we will have children if that's God will for our lives, and no matter what, this is in His hands.

Recently, I started with basic fertility testing. I had the blood work to test my hormone level first, and those results came back good. Then I had an ultrasound to follow up on the status of my ovarian cyst that I found out about last September. This ultrasound revealed that not only was it still there, but it had grown from a little over 2 cm to a little over 4 cm in size. My doctor was concerned that it might be blocking ovulation on my right ovary, so we decided it needed to come out.

So yesterday I had my first surgery. It was a laparoscopic ovarian cystectomy along with a chromotubation (aka the "dye test" in which blue dye is shot into my uterus and an x-ray reveals whether or not anything is blocking the dye from going where it needs to go). 

My surgery was at 7:30 am, and my husband and I had to arrive at the hospital at 5:30 am.

I had done a pretty good job keeping my nerves at bay until the night before. I didn't sleep well and woke up around 1:30 am filled with anxiety just thinking about being put under anesthesia. I cried a little bit and prayed, reminding myself that God didn't give me a spirit of fear. Thankfully, I was able to fall back asleep until about 4:30 that morning, when we had to get up.

Once at the hospital, all the pre-op stuff went pretty smoothly. I got checked in, got my gown on, got my IV in and did a lot of waiting. Finally, right on time at 7:30, I said goodbye to Leslie and got taken up to surgery. I think the only reason I wasn't insanely nervous is that I know I was covered in prayer by friends and family.

 {looking rough pre-surgery...}

Here's what I remember about my experience with anesthesia: the anesthesiologist put the stuff in my IV and told me it might make me giggly. I told her that's not hard to do. Then they wheeled me next to the surgical bed and with a slightly wobbly feeling in my head, I slid from the bed I was on onto the new one. I remember thinking to myself that I wanted to stay as alert as possible to remember as much as I could. That's the last solid memory I have. I have a foggy memory of someone holding an oxygen mask over my mouth and telling me to take three deep breaths, and I have another foggy memory of someone sticking some kind of monitor to my left upper side and saying it might be cold. That's it.

While I was out, my doctor made two small incisions on my abdomen, one in my belly button and one right above my pubic bone. Apparently, she told my family afterwards that when she went in to get the cyst, it ruptured. The pictures she took of my uterus revealed something big. I have endometriosis. My doctor told my family that she believes this has been the reason for my infertility. But she was very positive that after some treatment, we should be able to get pregnant! While endo is not something anyone wishes for, to have a solid explanation just feels so good. And I'm thankful for the cyst that caused me to have this surgery that led to the discovery of a problem I needed to know about. I love how God works.

So after my surgery and dye test (which had positive results), next thing I remember is waking up around 9 am and being asked by a nurse what I'd like to eat and drink. Out of the choices I was given, I chose Sprite and graham crackers. Then my family came in to see me and I was so happy to see them. Of course my husband was there, along with my parents, sister, brother-in-law, niece and my mother-in-law. I never, ever want to take for granted that I have people that care about me and love me enough to show up for me. 

My mother-in-law walked around the hall with me for a little bit, which was so sweet and memorable. I was only slightly wobbly on my feet.

{I know what you're thinking. I've never looked hotter.}

Before long, I was ready to go home. I think it was around 11 that morning when I left. I was prescribed pain pills but only had to take one last night before bed. My biggest discomfort during recovery has been the gas in my abdomen and chest leftover from when they "blew me up" for surgery.

From here, the game plan is to get some kind of shot (I believe it's called Lupron) which is a treatment for endometriosis. I've heard it can have some pretty adverse affects, so I'm nervous about that but I'll know more once I meet with my doctor again. Mostly I'm just ready to get the treatment started and face any adversity with bravery and faith. I'm thankful I have a reignited hope for a pregnancy hopefully in the near future. I'm thankful for how God worked through my surgery to reveal answers. I'm thankful I had a positive experience with everything and that my nerves were stable. I'm so very thankful for my friends and family who have prayed, brought food over to my house, texted, and checked in on me. I'm blessed to feel so much love and support and I will never take that for granted.

>> memorial weekend

This memorial weekend has been one for the books. It included a one-night stay in a cabin on Lake Ouachita, boating, my first jet ski ride, a drive through my old hometown and time with my precious husband, friends and family.

My sister and her husband rented this lake-view cabin and were kind enough to let us stay a night with them. It was dark when we arrived, so it was hard to see all the beauty surrounding us until the next morning. And since we arrived too late to take the boat out, we just enjoyed the hot tub on the back deck before going to bed that night.

The cabin was decorated in primitive Americana style, and I loved the cozy feel of it. Our bedroom was upstairs loft-style and overlooked the living room.

The next morning I was in awe of our cabin's beautiful surroundings. We got up and ate breakfast then headed out on the boat. We staked our claim on a peninsula and spent some time snacking and just hanging out there.

My husband learned how to drive the boat and did a great job. It wasn't super hot, so riding around in the boat feeling the cool wind on my face was heavenly. I could kick back in a boat and cruise around all day. So relaxing!

Not a lot of people know this, but I have a very unhealthy fear of water. I'm pretty comfortable in a boat because I don't really worry about tipping over. (Canoeing, on the other hand, is a whole different story.) So it was a really big deal that I got on a jet ski and took my first ride. Hubs knew I was nervous, so he took it slow for the most part, but there were times when the water was choppy that I was pretty scared. I liked feeling the wind in my face while cruising over the water, so that made it fun.

Later in the day, some friends from Little Rock that I hadn't seen in a while joined us for some more boating, jet skiing, and time on the peninsula.

Then hubs and I said our goodbyes because we had a trip down memory lane to take. We drove through my old hometown that I hadn't visited in about seven years. I got to see the house I used to live in, the grocery store my family used to shop at, my alma mater, and other familiar places such as an old white church that I used to love taking pictures of.

It felt strange to be back in "the town that built me." The town itself hadn't really changed at all, but I feel like a totally different person than the girl I was when I lived there. I almost feel like my memories from the past belong to someone else that maybe I just a read a book about or something. It was surreal to be back, but I'm so glad I got to go because I don't know if or when I'll ever get to again.

We continued our trip by taking a slightly longer route home, but a special one in that it was one I used to drive between my hometown and college on the weekends. I saw places I hadn't driven by in years but it all looked the same, so the memories just came flooding back. One thing I love just as much as spontaneously packing a bag and heading out of town for an overnight adventure is reminiscing. I love "going back" and allowing myself to remember.

We stopped and ate dinner at CJ's Butcher Boy Burgers in Russellville. It's a staple in the college town in which hubs and I met with amazing food and cute 50's decor.

It was so nice to see my husband relaxing and having fun on the lake and driving me around. I was crazy about his backwards cap because I hardly ever get to see that laid back, fun-loving side of him. He is forced to be so professional during the week, and sometimes he struggles to let loose on the weekends. But I could tell he was letting loose when he was speeding around on the jet ski with his backwards cap. It reminded me of the young man  I fell in love with in college. This trip was so good for both of our hearts.

>> all the latest

To say I'm a little behind on blogging would be an understatement. I feel like there has been so much going on that it's almost useless to even attempt to blog about it all, but at the same time I really don't want to forget anything. It's such an exciting time in life right now.

First, let me flashback to Easter. Each year, I realize more and more how special this holiday is to me. A whole day dedicated to celebrating the resurrection of our Savior...that alone is just so cool. Then there are the other awesome aspects of the day such as family time, egg hunts and church fashion. Yes, I said church fashion. I do enjoy seeing all the springy dresses and pastel ensembles that get busted out for Easter.

This year, after church my family met up at my sister's house for lunch on her back patio followed by an egg hunt for my nephew. I love family time at her house because it's kind-of out in the country, so it always feels like a peaceful getaway when I'm there.

  

We had planned to take a big family picture in my sister's backyard, but with my brother-in-law having to be at work and my dad not in attendance, we had to forgo that activity. Leslie and I did manage to snag a few cute ones though. (I needed a new framer for a hallway in my house.)

 

Now onto the next event that I haven't gotten to blog about yet: our second-annual girls' trip to Kansas City for the Warrior Dash. I can't even put into words how fun this trip was. My friends are the funniest females in the USA, in my opinion. So all three days and two nights we spent together were full of belly laughs.

Our t-shirt theme this year was "World's Okayest..." We had a world's okayest fan, friend, athlete, jogger and gazelle.

My friends Becky, Chrissy and Ashley rocked the course, which was spread across a ranch covered in cow manure. They even had to swim across a pond that was 10-feet deep. They are heroes in my eyes.

And while I'm on the subject of running/being athletic/awesome stuff, I want to throw in a quick mention of my second 5k that I ran back in April. It was a Glow Run benefiting a local children's center. From the start of the race, I wasn't feeling it. So I prayed. I ran quicker than normal when I did run and forced myself to power walk when I had to slow down. All I could think about was beating my first time, which I managed to do. I shaved off a little over 4 minutes, and my sister and SIL both improved their original times as well.

 

 >>insert crappy cell phone pic<<

For me personally, I don't know for sure if I'll ever do another 5k. I can apparently only be obsessed with one method of fitness at a time, and I can feel that shifting towards classes at the gym. I've started taking a Tone & Tighten class and have been insanely sore for the past week. (In a hurts-so-good kind of way.) I'm also looking at starting an Abs & Core class. I've discovered that I love the group atmosphere because I end up pushing myself more. I feel like I should see all-over results from these classes, and that's exciting to me.

Ok, so I think I'm all caught up on the randoms as of late. Just a few more things to note:

>> I am officially done with the Invisalign process! It took about 17 months, and I'm very happy with the results. I've got my permanent retainers in now and my nighttime retainer. I remember the first day I blogged about getting my Invisaligns and can't believe I made it to the end.

>>a little before & after for your viewing pleasure<<

>> I'm growing and learning so much in my relationship with Christ thanks to church, women's Bible study and small group. Been thinking a lot about all the individual struggles we each have and how God wants us to share those with others. God can take any ugly thing and turn it into something so beautiful. In an upcoming blog post, I will be taking off the proverbial mask and sharing my story. Eepsies!

>> In the morning I have my first doctor appointment to begin fertility testing. That journey is starting, and I have a peace about it.

So until next time...let's hope the next post is shorter! ;-)